I'm learning very quickly that I cannot be stressed and expect my singing voice to sound the way I want it to. This is extraordinarily hard for me to do, as singing- something that I love to do and am apparently trying to make a career out of- stresses me out on the most fundamental level. When I was sixteen, I got up the nerve to sing an original song ("You've Made It", I think it was called- a bouncy little number) in front of three judges as part of New Jersey's Teen Arts festival. It was terrifying, but I smiled my way through it and hoped for the best. I was told, with a smirk, that I was a very good performer; almost good enough for the audience to forget that I can't sing. Granted, I really wasn't very good- I'm only starting to hit my stride now as a singer, and I can feel that I'm in a transitory phase at the moment- but still. As a consequence of that, it's very hard for me to not overthink every single thing I have to sing. It's paralyzing, really, the inability to trust oneself and just let loose.
I was cutting some vocals today, to varying degrees of success. It was just an off day to begin with- I woke up with my throat feeling, to excuse the cliche, like sandpaper- but it was extraordinarily frustrating to me. I had the sound I wanted in my head, but for the life of me I couldn't get it out. I was tearing my cords apart, trying to sing a song I had fallen out of love with quickly after its creation, when John told me the wisest thing I've ever heard. "Don't try so hard," he said. Of course, I didn't listen to him then, I just tried to power through the phlegm, in the hopes that maybe I'd scream it away. It was only later, once that song began to form itself into something I could live with, that I was able to take heed to his words. And of course, that last vocal take felt effortless.
..though when, an hour later, it came time to do vocals for Baby and Rather Be a Fish, I couldn't quite find that magic again. I may have gotten Fish done right, but I'm still a little iffy on Baby. Luckily, I've got another full day of vocals coming up this weekend, and then we'll see where we are. Hopefully by then I'll be able to be a little more trusting. Who knows? Maybe I'll even get a few good takes.